Ken Zimmers To Cheeky 50

The Sunday Friendly XI, the lard sandwich Hors D'ouerve equivalent to a Marco Pierre White five course spectacular. As usual though if you had taken a stroll to the lower square on Sunday you would have be royally entertained for your efforts, that is if the cold wind didn't separate you from your nether regions en route. Bitteswell won the toss and batted. The strip wasn't the definition of 'road', more like a six lane extension to the M1; wickets would be harder to come by than a pair of handcuffs after the Police recruitment drive and the local fetish fair. Ben Underwood opened the bowling and again impressed. The former tour fag has gained an appreciable extra yard of pace this year and kept the visiting openers pinned down; Elliot also bowled nicely from the other end but with an inexplicable lack of confidence. The scoring rate remained pedestrian even when the backup bowlers of Harry' Windy' Miller and Jamie Thompson trundled to their hearts content. Despite the best efforts of all only 1 wicket fell until close to the end. Visiting bat Flanery posted a chanceless ton and when he reached his three figures he looked to the pavilion asking if he should retire, unfortunately his partner who has been there since the start took advantage of the confusion and used up his last turn of speed to head to the pavilion before him, presumably the scorebook read, “retired – close to death”. Bunny returned, took two more wickets including a decent catch by the skipper, and Bitteswell closed on 225 from a commendable 44 overs.

 Now, they say legends don't die, they just fade away. In Kibworth legends don't die, they just pile on the pounds and play on a Sunday. God bless then the returning opening partnership of Ken and Abbo which scored a very respectable 50 partnership before the IPA in the fat lad's blood stream fell below optimum level with his personal tally on 24. A quick 'shower' later he returned with a pint which was allegedly his sixth of the afternoon. From the ridiculous to the sublime. Out went the big men and in went the small one, Fido bashed his way to entertaining 41, however they couldn't shift Ken. The 74 year old pensioner professor notched his fist half century of the new millennium which near on caused pandemonium on the bottom square, rumour has it the crowd were only a streaker short of a pitch invasion. With Fido gone the vice skipper strode onto the middle with just five overs to bat and given a target of hitting four sixes in the remaining time, in typical manner he set about his task with gusto. He launched two over midwicket and a straight one which gave Scott Clayton the opportunity to lay an early claim to 'crowd catch' of the season. The fourth six hit fell literally inches short and we all thought his chance had gone. At the other end Paul Illingworth looked at the carnage bouffant boy was creating and obviously thought to himself he would get involved too. If Sideshow's sixes were big Illo's straight bash towards the pylon was none too shabby either, and greeted with decent revs from a small but partisan crowd. The last word though, as usual, went to the player that fashion forgot. In the last over he launched one many a mile to claim his beer but the jumping up and down routine to celebrate was a bit reminiscent of Monty Panesar at his 'Gazelle on illegal substances' best. Kibby finished on 191 for 3 with Bob blatantly avoiding the jug by scoring 49 not out off 21 balls.

 A thoroughly enjoyable friendly all round. A rare mix of bowling, biffage and big licks with the occasional pie thrown in for good measure. You can find entertainment in the skill and application of the First XI if you wish(and all power to them), but if you prefer your Cricket more in the Keystone Cops style you know where to look.

TEAM

Pounds K, Abbott, Matthew B, Beevers, Illingworth, Underwood, Miller, Lodge E, , Thompson J, Pounds S

William Jennings - 11/05/2009