Saving Private Ryan Made To Look Like Pingu

  Kibworth CC V Wolvey CC (Sponsored by Ambulance)

This was the match that Charlie Fairhead would have refused to offer medical assistance to. The body count was probably higher than any Slasher movie you care to mention and with a cast more interchangeable than a set of 1980's Australian Soap Operas. Having lost the toss the home side had two men back in the hutch within 20 overs. This wouldn't be so bad but they were fielding. Fido had damaged his hand tipping one around the post and was having tea and sympathy from Mum and Grandad by the time Steve Elwood ripped a digit in a caught and bowled fiasco. A whole succession of borrowed fielders later the self same Grandad had been dragged out of bar and retirement to cover a sizeable hole in the field with a borrowed set of whites, or should that be borrowed sets of whites, and Chris Carson was press-ganged on his way from a district match on the bottom square. Thankfully Wolvey had arrived with a similar attitude to the game that Kibworth pride themselves on. Not only were fielders freely offered to plug the gap but the visiting skipper was more than happy to let the subs play a full role in the match. A district player for a district player, a seasoned spare tyred veteran for a seasoned spare tyred veteran. It was a fair swap. Elliot Lodge bowled a brisk opening spell but both openers made it to fifty and promptly retired, it was a sporting gesture that was much appreciated by the increasingly harassed looking Bard who was probably wondering if he was going to have to put three month old Archie on standby if the first aid kit took any more hammer. Wickets? Yes, some of those eventually went down. Arthur Morritt bowled a lovely spell with two victims, The Bard bowled anything but a lovely spell but still ruined the afternoon of some poor misfortunate but the star of the show was little Jack Lewis. Last year Jack was plucked from obscurity to claim three wickets, this year the skipper challenged him to repeat the feat to have his match fees paid for him. Jack very nearly did it! Two wickets brought him a fourth and final over and Chris Carson got one hand to a very sharp chance at Square Leg.

 Needing all but 6 an over to win the game Adam Samuel and Dave Collins would need to bat extremely well to get the home side on the victory road, with this in mind 28 for 3 with both of them and Chris Carson back in the hutch was not entirely the way it should have gone. The visiting bowler who had done the damage though was soon off the park injured himself after a 'cherry meets ankle' incident. Sunday cricket was fast becoming a blood sport and it wouldn't have been surprising to see the bearded great unwashed pulling up with their VW Hippy Wagons to protest. Dave King made a very solid middle order contribution but as the game meandered to a draw the real crux of the matter was two fold, could Tim Neal make his 50 and would Jack Lewis give his Wolvey female fan club something to cheer with the bat? Once again Jack delighted the crowd with a free swinging five not out, Tim however fell just two runs short from the penultimate delivery, the ball according to injured umpire Elwood going to swing back about three feet to clip leg stump.

Huge thanks for Wolvey for their kindness and generosity. We look forward to renewing acquaintances next season.

 Team – With Ailments

Fido (Dodgy Hand), Holmes (Sub – Youthfully Challenged), Jennings (Capt – Massive Heed), King D (Wkt – Gravely Voice), Lewis (Staccato enthusiasm), Elwood S (Split Finger, dodgy umpiring), Neal (Pad overuse), Carson (Sub -Wrong Place, Wrong Time), Lodge E (Burnt Hair), Morritt (Scorers Name Amnesia), Butler L (Razor Avoidance), Collins (Legs filled with Starch), Samuel (Giraffe Likeness)

 

William Jennings - 13/07/2009