Match report

FK's report as told to North Korean Journalist from FK’s current stratospheric position.

Saturday would see a trip to much loved and respected neighbours Market Harborough (FK will expand on this statement in the bar if you ask him).

A earlier rain shower freshened up the pitch and a KCC side which saw the returning feaster of runs Aadil and a freshly promoted Bozzie, bristling with enthusiasm much like one of his pupils and on the back of a juicy ton.

Both chuckle brothers were unavailable for selection due to county commitments and Cobb hopefully getting a Clydesdale game on Sunday.

Wierdo and Selector tossed up, with tactical selection by Weirdo opting to bat first and bowl out kcc. We all like Chris as he is a top lad and a solid local cricketer and good bloke. His decision to bat was purely so he could have 50 overs to shake off a sizeable hangover, but perhaps also because they fancied putting a big score up and backing their bowlers to knock us over.

Bozzie has the knowledge and access to some extremely complex and confusing training routines, which was always going to be a challenge to the lads as running and throwing at the same time is normally a bit tough. The generals new warm up involved about 5 stumps, 2 balls and a lot of communication. Amazingly nobody was injured or wounded and it seemed to go very well and didn’t look bad from the road. I am not convinced it would go so well without the general running them though. Before the warm up, it had to be said that the youths were dealt a harsh lesson in football. Eagerness, pace and youth, is no match for additional kilo’s, control and vision and so the young un’s were hammered off the park.

Harborough opened with Rob Taylor and Michael Philips (Taylor has a limited number of admirers, himself mainly although FK is willing to describe in detail his unending admiration for both openers to anyone with earshot, or text or e-mail). Both swaggered to the crease and their 28 ball stay produced 17 runs before Taylor who been his usual mild and modest self, nicked off to FK from Driver. Further in detail discussions of Rob’s future as a professional player are available – please see FK for details

Philips would be bowled by Burty for 6, giving him plenty of time to engage in other activities (FK has several suggestions in this regard if you want to ask).

Innes and Bagwhati are top quality cricketers and formidable allrounders and getting through these 2 would have a major impact on the game if we could pick them up cheaply. Innes settled in patiently and some good bowling from driver and burton went unrewarded. Bhagwati rode his luck a bit early on but inbetween that put the bad ball away very well.

The benefit of Pullo not being at the crease means that he is further away from you. The downside is that he just shouts louder from where he is (that’s what it comes down too although FK put it in somewhat longer terms – NKJ) so with Blinkers on and hearing aids turned off, we enjoyed the delights of pullo’s commentary while Innes and Bhagwati set about a solid partnership. The bowlers it had to be said were considerably unlucky, edges didn’t go to hand and any drives in the air went either side of fielders and it became very frustrating. Selector mixed up the bowling and brought renno into the attack. And the batting duo were keen just to see him off in his first 6 overs, again unlucky with edges and the partnership quickly went passed 60. Spiro and Daz looked to find something different and the change of pace slowed the game down slightly but the heads were lowering and it was a struggle in the humid heat as the 2 experienced batters started to build a dangerous platform for a wickets in hand assault at the end and with Pullen, Griffiths, Mackey and Gordon still to come in and all more than useful batters and not afraid to go over the top.

It would be Spiro who would break the deadlock. So I don’t upset Harborough I won’t refer to Spiro as the ledge, as apparently according to The Don, he isn’t a real spinner and to use the words Legend is a disgrace. For someone who has taken 180 wickets since the records went on-line and comfortably the league’s highest wicket taker, along with having bowled more maidens than any other bowler 253 and 4 times taken 5 wickets in a game, and appeared in a record 10 Lords Finals, I can see what they mean and will remove any Legend references from any future reports.

Russ built enough pressure to entice Innes to a mistimed clip and Aadil the 15 year old junior cricketer who played all his junior cricket at Kibworth (like Burty and FK), would take a good catch. At 133 for 3 and with Bhagwati on 46, Neil “F bomb” Pullen would come to the crease. For a detailed discussion of Mr Pullen’s talents as a player over many years please speak to FK…….you can guess the rest?
Normally free scoring, Pullo struggled with his timing and when early in his innings he top edged a pull to backward square leg, the usual Aadil buckets were waiting. The next bit is perhaps the most unusual. Firstly Ad’s dropped it, but second was then shouted to by Pullo, who applauded and congratulated Aadil on his drop and great hands and good fielding. The next couple of minutes seem to have a mixture of stunned silence and disbelief as anyone who has played long enough couldn’t recall a situation like that or would think that anyone would stoop as low as low as that on a cricket field. (PLEASE ALSO NOTE THAT IN AN ARSENE WENGER STYLE, NO ONE FROM MHCC HEARD THIS DESPITE THE GAME STOPPING FOR 3 MINUTES)

Renno, Spiro, FK ands Selector clearly didn’t take this well and piled into Pullo, who as you would expect didn’t see anything wrong, didn’t care and wondered why it had upset the senior players. Clearly we weren’t going to change someone’s attitude who acts like that so we carried on with the game .

KCC would not take another wicket and although with a big platform, Bhagwati would be batting for himself and was only thinking about his ton, which he duly got and was well deserved from 126 balls. Pullen hadn’t finished and as a run out attempt took place the ball bounced off his pads near his feet, which he then just hit away to square leg to further annoy the fielding side. He finished on 43 and Harborough on 243, which the KC boys thought was a decent escape with so many batters in hand a testament to some good bowling all round and not much luck in the circumstances.

So as always a fantastic tea at Harborough. The ladies always do a superb spread and this was no exception and very welcome after a long frustrating afternoon in the field.

Burty and the badger would open up as regs and with innes in particular swinging it and nipping it around and weirdo also bowling his usual really good channels it was a tough start for the pair. Both would fall LBW, although this week it would be Burty who would be sawn off as a thick inside edge cannoned into his pads to go unheard by the umpire and the LBW adjudged against him.

The badger would also fall LBW to Weir and at 24 for 2, things looked shaky to say the least. Selector looked solid in early defence but pushed at an innes away swinger and was taken at slip by Bhagwati to leave us reeling at 24 for 3, with Daz and Aadil at the crease. Aadil was welcomed second ball by a C bomb and plenty of other much more personal abuse which I won’t mention. (None of this was heard by those on the sidelines) Daz didn’t cement himself and was bowled by skipper weir and it was painful to watch and listen to the baying hyenas from the dressing room as we collapsed to 26 for 4.

Aadil was in the zone and more determined to play another gutsy role and ease back on his natural attacking and dominating style. He would be partnered now by Bozzie, who despite all going on around him was grinning beneath his helmet and enjoying the abuse all round. Old pro’s have heard it all before and highly intelligent and personable (sic) early 20’s and teens like Taylor and Philips are not going to concern the bozzle who started to build a nice little partnership with Aadil, as they ran well and started to frustrate the bowlers. Left arm Taylor in particular was finding this hard to deal with and he tried to bounce Aadil several times, only got the young batter to sway harmlessly out of the way of his medium pace deliveries (of course you know by now that FK didn’t write deliveries, don’t you?).

Having put on 70 together things were looking good. As Aadil pushed a single into the midwicket gap off Taylor for a single he ran through to the bowler end, where as he passed Taylor, there is some suggestion that, (allegedly and of course in no way proven and it could have been a mirage) he swung out his back leg to trip over Aadil as he attempted to complete his run. Aadil turned immediately round after reaching the crease to question Taylor and selector was off his seat to confront weirdo about the action just having taken place. None of this was supposedly seen by the umpires who refused all game to intervene on the personal abuse dished out to a minor.

Just to surprise you no-one from MHCC saw any of this take place. Aadil continued to bat on and Taylor’s only answer to the youngster was to try and run him out while he backed up as he hadn’t been good enough so far to get him out with the ball. With all his childish antics getting on FK’s nerves from the changing room, he shouted out to Taylor that he was a “brain dead Moron”. In hindsight, FK had lowered himself to Pulloeasque standards, but at least had refrained from using any swear words in public. Of course this exchange was picked by home supporters and an entire paragraph of text now has to be deleted. If you want details…….you get the picture? - NKJ
Aadil was finally bowled by the big tough Taylor for a really gutsy 32.

At 101 for 6, we were really in the brown stuff but unfortunately Renno couldn’t hang in with Broughts and Drives was judged LBW. And it was 126 for 8, with 16 overs to go and the call for FK to advise broughts as he went to the crease not to hand them a win.

Both Broughts and FK would delight in blocking it to death. Both grew up playing on the old ground with a 7 year old Cobb and an excitably Kirby all playing against the green bin with a stump and tennis ball to see how long you could last and not get out, with 15 fielders, one hand one bounce and bat as long as you can.

This was just like that, but with massive levels of abuse, mainly directed at broughts, who was giggling away and FK laughing at the taunts of taylor, who was happy to hide behind others. I was going to summarise all of the comments but I think they would ensure the report would be removed (bloody hell I hate to think what he was going to write here – NKJ), but needless to say 16 overs of personal abuse and talking while the bowlers ran in were all apparently fine.

All in all it just made FK and broughts more determined to bore out a draw and not hand them a win. Weirdo to his credit as top bloke admitted they would have done the same and the lads who just got on with it were Weirdo, Mackey. Joey, Griff and strangely Pullo. It was only the Don who looked like he was going to explode, big man taylor and his young opening partner (no he didn’t write that either – NKJ).

Collins and perry bowled superbly and ragged it around. Really promising lads and played with great skill and loads of variety, flight and pace. I hope they don’t learn too much from some of the other players around them. Taylor trying to bounce FK and with FK reminding him that he wasn’t good enough to get out an old number 10 and broughts was a complete rabbit, he didn’t have the brains to bowl in the right area and earn his team a win. A couple of overs of rubbish just spoilt their chances of winning as he was more concerned with what to say to FK after he bowled. FK has avoided frying pans, flower vases and other items, including some outrageous put downs from Pix over 15 years, nothing Taylor could offer would compete.

With the din having the last over, the umpire finally gave FK out LBW off the 2nd ball of the last over (full description of the trajectory of the ball, position of wicket keeper are available – NKJ).
Ledge played out the last 4 balls and harborough would finish 4 point off a win but in the end they had backed themselves to bat first and bowl us out and a 9/10 & 11 had held them off.

Harborough are without doubt the best side in the league and if they win it, it will be because of that.

Pullo as regs became a gentleman off the field and the don apologized for his erratic behaviour and bought the beers all round and said he was just fired up. The boys showered and had a beer with the harborough lads with the exception of Taylor who cleared off.

All in all it makes harborough clear favourites unless there are any surprises. KCC wished the lads all the best in the county cup semi the following day and returned to kcc where both spectators have full use of their hearing and 20:20 vision.

Bye for now
FK may have calmed down by next weekend or the drugs may kick in, I’m off for a lie down - NKJ